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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086740">In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive and You Were Full of Joy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwight_from_the_office/pseuds/dwight_from_the_office'>dwight_from_the_office</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Assisted Suicide, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Human Trafficking, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, They both care for each so much that the answer doesn't matter, Whether or not Alex and Sab are romantic is never made clear, Yassen Gregorovich Is Not A Robot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:01:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086740</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwight_from_the_office/pseuds/dwight_from_the_office</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sabina couldn't think of a person in the world she loved more and neither could Alex. An opportunity to escape the intelligence world together was not to be taken lightly.</p><p>-</p><p>Read the tags for TWs. Please take them seriously. Disturbing views on suicide enclosed.</p><p>The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 1-800-273-8255</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sabina Pleasure &amp; Alex Rider, Sabina Pleasure/Alex Rider, Yassen Gregorovich &amp; Alex Rider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive and You Were Full of Joy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex gripped Sabina’s hand tightly and glanced back to grin at her. After spending so much time with Alex on missions, she had learned enough to take care of herself, but Kinshasa was as crowded. Not quite as dense as Surat had been, as she remembered it, but close enough that it would be easy to get separated. It was hot, very hot, and she was glad she had cut her hair. Once long, it now rested bluntly at her jaw in careless waves, making her face look wider and more square. In contrast, Alex’s hair was grown longer, reaching the nape of his neck and becoming a bit more wild and curly without all the extra weight. Sabina quite liked it on him. Especially with the cotton clothing he had picked up. Oh, and if the <em> hair </em> was a relief, then the cotton was a godsend. After picking up Sabina from her safe house, Alex wouldn't have skimped on light clothing. The safe house was stationed in southern Arizona. In July, the heat was oppressive. It had been the first thing Alex complained about when he came to pick her up.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<em> Sabina was reclined in her loveseat, a paperback in hand, and the windows open so the evening breeze would cool the baking wood of her house. She told herself she wasn’t concerned about security, and honestly, she didn’t care much if there was a breach. She had been here for months and it was getting boring. So Sabina had settled in her chair, facing away from the window, and let her eyes and mind drag lazily over page after tawny page. She was too relaxed––too tired––to care if someone had found her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Until, of course, someone kissed the top of her head. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina dropped the book and sent a fist flying just over her head, grabbing the intruder under the arm and flipped him. He landed on her legs, his head pinned over her stomach as Sabina locked him into a chokehold. She had just barely completed the maneuver when she realized that she recognized that ashy head of hair. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “O-Oh my god.” Sabina released Alex and helped him sit up, immediately checking his face and neck for damage. Alex was laughing, but struggling to do so through sporadic coughs. Still, his amusement was nothing less than genuine. With little remorse, Sabina smacked him lightly on the side of his head. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Alex! You idiot! I was half a second away from breaking your neck, do you realize that?” She winced as she gently probed the bruising over his nose and eye.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “You going to apologize, princess?” Alex coughed. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Not when you knew exactly who you were sneaking up on. Dumbass.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex held a lopsided grin. “Yeah, s’pose I was that good a teacher…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina stilled and looked Alex over. She felt herself about to burst into tears and she realized that he was here. She threw herself into Alex’s chest and wrapped her arms around his neck, cradling the back of his head and strong arms wrapped around her ribcage. Alex’s hair was short and scruffy under her hands, barely longer than a centimeter. Sabina felt Alex’s hand in her own hair and wilted a bit. Before the CIA––and MI6, she supposed––caught hold of her, it had been silky and light. Just a few months in their clutches without Alex by her side had her locks growing frizzy and dry. Sabina knew he loved her hair and suddenly the fact that it was so thin and ruined made her sad.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I missed you so much,” Alex murmured. Sabina felt his tears spill onto her neck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I missed you too.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> After they had held each other long enough to be sure that they were really with each other, they broke apart, though not far. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Jesus. This is the best Byrne could set you up with?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina raised a brow. “I thought it was nice. Hardwood, bookshelves, a stocked kitchen…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “The house is fine. But you can’t tell me it doesn’t bother you that it’s hot as hell.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina rolled her eyes. “Right, I forgot. A London boy like you would be sent into shock by anything above room temperature.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I resent that!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina smiled. She missed this. “So where’ve you been?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex shrugged. “Around. They threw me in back-to-backs.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She frowned. “I’m sorry, Alex. How are you feeling?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “No disabling injuries to report. I’m just exhausted. I did some…” Alex rubbed the back of his neck, struggling to organize the last few months into something that made sense. “A Scorpia copy-cat down in Peru––God, I’m tired of those––the Xinjiang camps––don’t ask, seriously––genetic mods gone wrong in Tokyo, and let me tell you, that made me laugh––and some missile threats to D.C.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “A classic, to be sure.” Sabina joked dryly even as she breathed deeply to alleviate the angered flush in her cheeks. There was no fucking way he wasn’t hurt. “Did you have anything to do with the nuclear meltdown in Seoul?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Alex dipped his head and laughed, face scrunching and </em>god how had she lived without this–</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Totally. And to be honest, it might have been worse that Xinjiang. I haven’t decided yet, but I don’t really plan to. What about you?” Alex asked, eyes tightening in a way he only ever allowed around Sabina when her expression blanked out, his cheery demeanor suddenly forced. “That bad, huh?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Trafficking.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> His carefully constructed smile fell away. “Oh, Sab…” Alex had his fair sure of trafficking assignments in the books. They were one of the worst punishments an intelligence agency could dole out to a rogue. To Sabina, who had </em> never <em> been cut out to for intelligence work... </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina swallowed and relaxed the muscles in her face. “They want to put me back in next month.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex looked at her carefully. “Let’s go outside.” </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Where there were no people, there were plenty of trees to make up for it. The jungle was dense. After nearly a month of having that entire house to themselves, crowded areas got on their nerves. From airport to city to forest, they hadn’t gotten a single moment where there wasn’t somebody within reach.</p><p> </p><p>Sabina stepped over a root and reminded herself not to touch the trees for balance. “Okay, seriously, we’ve been out here for days. We have to be close, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Alex shook his head. “Not even halfway there.”</p><p> </p><p>Sabina balked. “You’re kidding.”</p><p> </p><p>The blond shrugged, glancing at her with a tired smile. “Hey, I asked Yassen to find a good spot, and you know he doesn’t do anything halfway. No one will ever find us.”</p><p> </p><p>Ugh. It was true, and it <em> was </em> what they asked for. “If you say so. He’ll be there, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s been there for days, getting it ready, staking the place out. He told me that he wasn’t going to let me botch the plan as much as I did last time.”</p><p> </p><p>Sabina frowned. That wasn’t true. “Hey, that’s not fair. We botched it <em> together</em>, as a <em> team</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you say, Sab. But I’m the one with experience. I should have known better. Our plan was messy, messy, messy.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll be covering up after us?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> The desert foliage was thick and fresh around them, prickly bushes and trees nipping at their feet. They sat shoulder to shoulder on the edge of the porch, legs dangling in the cool air. </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Alex’s hand found Sabina’s. “They’re making me burn bridges. Threatening </em> more <em> missions if I don’t listen and honestly I have no clue how the hell they’d even follow through on that… Ah, well. You?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina smiled bitterly. “Yeah. Not even allowed to talk to Tom, though I'm sure you haven't seen him in years...They couldn’t have us running again, right? Heh...”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “...Do you want to try again?”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “...Yeah. Yeah, I think so. But let’s do it right this time. If they catch us… They– </em> Argh<em>!” Sabina’s nails bit into the soft wood of the deck. “You said they were bad but I didn’t… I didn’t even </em> understand<em>, not a little bit... How did you do it?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “They were bad but they… The longer they used me, the more comfortable they got. It wasn’t like this when I was a kid. Back then it was all… Well, actually...” Alex frowned. “They never explicitly asked me to do anything sexual, and they didn’t use missions as punishments. Only a few differences, but they’re big.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Oh, </em> God<em>. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I don’t want to go back. I can’t do it.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex pulled her closer into his side and plopped his chin onto the crown of her head. “Hey, hey, ‘s’okay. You’re okay.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She leaned into his touch as his palms rubbed over her arms. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I found silencers and a ride to the Congo. They’ll never find us. They’ll never take us away again.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “You’re sure?”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yassen finally agreed to cover us. I think the ordeal with Trubetskaya opened his eyes. ‘6 will be looking for us in Argentina.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “ </em> Thank you<em>.” </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. You are <em> disgusting</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Sabine was perched on a boulder half embedded in the ground. Her ankles were pushed apart and feet angled inwards, knees pressed together and forearms crossed lazily over each other where they rested on her legs. Alex remembered seeing her sit the same way at Wimbledon, and then again in San Diego. It was one of the few things about her that hadn’t changed.</p><p> </p><p>Alex looked down at her slyly, a large centipede in hand. “What can I say? I enjoy exotic cuisine.”</p><p> </p><p>“We brought rations for a reason, you little shithead. You’re doing this literally just to gross me out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, take it easy, now! What if we were attacked and our rations stolen? Or we had to kayak down a waterfall and lost the bags?”</p><p> </p><p>Sabina barked out a laugh. “Ha! No, thank you. Ben told me <em> that </em>story enough times to know I don’t want to live it.”</p><p> </p><p>They quieted at the mention.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Al… I didn’t mean to say something that would make this harder.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex pulled her head to his chest and kissed her hairline. “‘S’okay, Sab. You did nothing wrong. I like talking about Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Sabina looked up at Alex, grief tugging at her chest. “I–” She snapped her jaw shut and swallowed before continuing. “I really miss him.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex sat next to her and gently placed the wriggling insect on the ground. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you ever think about what would have happened if he had lived?” She looked at him helplessly, hurt just thinking of it.</p><p> </p><p>“You’d be catching waves in San Diego and I’d be working a nine to five at a cheap tech start-up?”</p><p> </p><p>Sabina gave a wet laugh. “You really think we’d have had jobs by now? I’d barely have my bachelor’s and you’re a year younger.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course we would. Do you even <em> remember </em> us in secondary school? Itching to do homework, stay in after as long as possible, every extracurricular…” Alex swallowed. “No. If he had lived, we wouldn't have."</p><p> </p><p>Sabina's eyes flicked up to meet Alex's, surprised. "You mean, he did that so... <em>Oh</em>... Oh, Ben..."</p><p> </p><p>Alex was somber. "He was a good man. The best. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself had it gone any differently. But I like to think we'll see him again.”</p><p> </p><p>Forgetting the dirt and grime, Sabina rubbed her palm against her eye. “Do you think he’d be okay with this?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, that was <em> not </em> a question Alex wanted to answer. Or even try to answer, as a matter of fact.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “No, Alex. They can’t just get away with this. You were bad enough but now they’re corrupting the Americans––It’s all bullshit.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “Not like you can do anything about it. And it’s not your responsibility, either. Do you know what I’m doing right now to keep them protected? To-To keep them ignorant of what’s really happening around them? No, you don’t. Because that’s not on you. That’s on me. I’d sell myself to the heads to leave Sab and Tom alone if they let me. </em> I protect them<em>.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Over my dead body. Stay here.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “Like hell</em>!<em>"</em></p><p> </p><p><em> “ </em> Alex<em>. Stay. Here.” </em></p><p> </p><p>He bit his tongue. Ben had died to keep them alive, and yet here they were… “He’d have never let this happen in the first place, let it get so out of hand. You know how he was.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alex,” she pushed. “Come on.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Lie through your teeth, Al. You’ve got years of experience on her. Lie for her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But what if it changes her decision?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You're better at this than she is. Don't answer.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think he’d ever accept that we couldn’t find a way to hide from them, or that there wasn’t something else that could be done to put ‘6 in place. But you and I know differently.”</p><p> </p><p>Sabina fell silent for a moment, face still as the ground beneath her feet before–</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, we know better.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> Onion and bacon sizzled in the air as Alex fluttered in the kitchen, moving as if he knew it like the back of his hand despite never having stepped foot in it before. The sun was finally dipping under the horizon, the tiny, swarming leaves of the Sonarans and Mesquite trees slicing shadows into the low, golden light. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As Alex prepared dinner, Sabina sat at the table with her book in hand. She couldn’t remember she had felt so at peace. It was broken by a single, pausing thought. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “What did you do with the guards? And the cameras?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Alex barely looked away from his cooking as he answered nonchalantly and </em> so smugly, <em> “According to the CIA, you were flown to a new location early yesterday morning. The guards were relocated and the safehouse was stripped of all equipment.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina haphazardly placed her book face-down on the counter to mark the spot and threw a disbelieving book at Alex’s back. “C’mon.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “It’s true!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “There’s no way they wouldn’t have seen me while stripping the house. And the guards would have escorted me to the extraction point.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Okay, so maybe it’s possible that I had someone who owed me and they found a very convincing stunt double… And it’s also possible that you were drugged and briefly removed during the night for the double to take your place… And then replaced once they were done…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina stared. “Alex Johnathon Rider.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex’s shoulders were hunched and his elbows crooked to put his hands in the air, a bamboo spoon dripping with cream dangling from one. “Yes, Princess?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “There is no way in hell you did that by yourself.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex relaxed and returned to his stew, and even though he was turned away, Sabina didn’t miss it as he rolled his eyes. “Okay, Yassen kind of helped with more than our cover…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “How long until they realize the mistake?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Oh, they won't, not until we're long gone. The new safe house is in Canada. The double’s employer is going to stage a kidnapping and send Byrne and Jones on a wild goose chase to Argentina. That’s where I’m supposed to be at the moment, actually. But it’ll wait until after we’re off the grid.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina stifled a laugh. “Give my compliments to Yassen. A fully baked plan, a cover that will last… Why didn’t you ever learn how to spy from him? He makes you look like a kindergartener.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Alex finally turned and glared at her. “You’re really going to criticize me while I’m making you dinner? I </em> know <em> how to </em> spy<em>!” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina went back to her book, flipping a page with a smile plastered to the corner of her lips. “Whatever you say, Rider…” </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Alex?” A steel voice called out, warped from the foliage and the unceasingly cacophonous sounds of the jungle.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re here, Yassen.”</p><p> </p><p>They rounded another tree and there he was, arms easy by his side. Alex and Sabina were no threat to him and he knew it.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it ready?”</p><p> </p><p>Yassen gestured to the deep, deep groove in the earth, eyes far cooler than usual. “The floor is about eight feet down where it opens up. I tried to make it a bit more spacious, but…” He shrugged. “I didn’t want to compromise the structure. Wooden slats to help you climb out. With regular rain patterns, it will cave in a day. If one or both of you change your mind, you know how to contact me. After I week, I will assume you are both dead.”</p><p> </p><p>He stared at them critically. “I advise you to reconsider.”</p><p> </p><p>After a beat, Alex stepped forwards and grabbed the man’s wrist in a solid handshake and his shoulder, pulling him closer. Not angrily, but more fearfully, Alex hissed into his ear, “You know exactly what they’d do to us if they got us back.”</p><p> </p><p>Yassen nodded imperceptibly and Alex pulled back, giving him another firm shake and wishing that he had taken that moment to hug Yassen instead of being cryptic. God, Alex really did act like him. </p><p> </p><p>To Alex’s delight and relief, Yassen knew and pulled him in for a closer hug. “It was an honor to work with you,” he muttered, Russian accent slipping through just a little bit more than usual. “You did us all proud.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex couldn’t help but burst into tears, gripping Yassen more fiercely. “You too,” he choked out. “He’d be so proud of you.”</p><p> </p><p>They pulled away. Yassen looked at him seriously.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not changing your mind.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve known for a while what would happen. It was only a matter of time”</p><p> </p><p>The assassin nodded shortly and turned to Sabina. She was much less hesitant when she strode forwards and embraced Yassen. He held her tight, scruff pressed into her hair. A father’s hug. Alex had been able to give Sabina a lot of things, but the love of a parent hadn’t been one of them.</p><p> </p><p>Alex couldn’t hear them as they whispered, but Sabina began to cry and––Alex almost didn’t believe it––Yassen’s shoulders held the faintest tremor. Sabina nodded shakily into Yassen’s shoulder and that was it. Sabina was back at Alex’s side, next to the man-made cave in the soil, and Yassen poised in the direction back to the city. He looked back at them one last time––</p><p> </p><p>“You have your silencers? Several bullets?”</p><p> </p><p>They pulled back their rain jackets. Two glocks, two silencers, two dozen bullets. Yassen nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll miss you, little Alex. Miss Pleasure.” And there was so much Alex and Sabina wanted to say in response. Try to enjoy retirement. Thank you. We’ll miss you too. We love you.</p><p> </p><p>––and he disappeared into the greenery.</p><p> </p><p>Alex and Sabina held each other and shook.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina was drying and replacing the dishes, ceramic clinking softly as Alex gazed out the window. He leaned closer to it and narrowed his eyes. For a moment, Sabina grew nervous, fingers twitching towards the knife block. Alex brought his fingers up and carefully pried the blinds apart. His eyes widened and… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Holy shit. Is that a trampoline?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She couldn't help but grin. "It's in great condition, considering how long it must have been here. Works fantastic. But I accidentally burned some holes in the floor a few weeks back."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Turning from the window, Alex looked at her curiously. "How'd you do that? Were you attacked?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>With a laugh, Sabina shook her head. "Nothing so dramatic. I was fucking around with some fireworks I found in the garage. Unfortunately, nothing more explosive than sparkler or poppers but..." She shrugged. "They're fun all the same."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"How'd you manage to burn through the trampoline with sparklers?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sabina dried her hands and threw the rag over the shoulder, planting her hands on her hips. "Oh, come off it. You've used sparklers before."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Alex raised a brow at her and her jaw dropped.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A minute later, the two were rummaging around boxes stacked against the side of the house.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seriously. You’ve never used sparklers before?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Fireworks are just so disgustingly American that I could never interact with them–” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Alex barely heard the creak of metal and rush of water pipes when he registered water erupting from the ground and soaking his training pants. He dragged his head up to look at Sabina. </em> Seriously? <em> It was Sabina’s turn to look at him smugly. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Don’t stand on top of the sprinkler next time you decide to talk shit about fireworks. Dry off your hands so they light properly. And for God’s sake, be careful. You couldn't find a better place to start a fire if you tried."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex looked at the ground beneath his sneakers. Dead grass, cactus, and dried out leaves. This was the shittiest outpost he had ever seen, and he’d been stationed in Antarctica. “Not that there would be anything worth saving...” </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you sure about this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are <em> you </em> sure about this?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m doing it. You don’t have to. I’m sure Yassen would take you back to the heads and figure out a different cover. Or find somewhere to hide you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was about to say the same thing to you. I just… You, dead? It’s… Well, it’s a scary thought. The scariest thought. The one thing that’s mattered for years...”</p><p> </p><p>“...Yeah. I can barely imagine after… I don’t want to factor into your decision, but I really don’t want to do this alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Together, then.”</p><p> </p><p>They tightened their grip on each other’s hands.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tightly woven mesh beneath their feet and looser nets surrounding them as Alex put years of honed focus and precision into bouncing Sabina as high as possible. The sparklers lighting up Sabina’s smile even as the night grew too dark to see through. Digging out flashlights from under the bathroom sink to light the ground as they stepped around cacti and critters, Sabina telling Alex about each one of them. Using the sprinkler to ensure that no stray spark would grow into flame, innocently tripping and accidentally soaking each other. The water against their skin brought out the chill in the air. They moved inside, the desert air drying them quickly. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Do you really think we can do it? We can save ourselves?” Sabina asked quietly but not apprehensively as she struggled to brush her tangles away.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex took the hairbrush from her hands and gently began working at the knots that were too close to her head for Sabina to get by herself. “Better than that. I know it. Yassen wasn’t helping us last time. And we didn’t really know what we were doing last time either. Better yet,” Alex had smoothed the difficult tangles, but he continued on to the length of her hair. “We’re sending a message this way. They can’t control us. Not entirely. With any luck, they’ll quit recruiting people who don’t want any part in intelligence.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Do you sometimes think that we should do this more publically? Bring it to the press or to the lower levels? If the President found out anything about this…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’ve thought about it. We have a better chance of helping involuntary recruitment that way, but every other aspect of their operation would undergo too many restrictions” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sabina nodded. “They'd barely be allowed to keep a secret.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Right. And besides, being paraded around for the greater good? I think we’ve done enough of that. I just want to be left alone.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yeah. Peace and quiet… Are you sure we’re safe to stay here?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yeah. ‘6 has a strict policy about safehouses. After cleaning one out, it isn’t used for three to twelve months. They’re paranoid as hell. And since you’re basically an MI6 operative…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I get it. So when do we leave?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yassen will send a friend to drive us to Panama City. We’ll take a flight to Río and then to Kinshasa.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yassen’s being quite helpful.” Sabina furrowed her brows. “Are you sure–” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yes,” Alex cut her of. “I’m sure.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Sabina stared at Alex through the mirror, though he refused to meet her eyes. “He’s supporting you? Supporting </em> this<em>? Trubetskaya was bad, but not enough for Yassen to change his mind on this.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “He’s been a partner of sorts for the past few months. He saw close up how they treat me, the kinds of missions they hand me. He understands, now.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Partner?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex chewed the inside of his cheek. “Yassen struck a deal with ‘6. He was to babysit me until I’d proven my obedience and they'd leave him alone in retirement.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Sabina’s eyes went wide as they shot back up to Alex. MI6 was never going to leave Yassen alone again. “Alex,” she said softly. The missions really </em>had<em> been that bad. They had to have been. Why else would Yassen toss out his last chance at a peaceful retirement? </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alex’s eyes grew wet, and so did Sab’s. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, while tears trickled down Alex’s face. He broke into a grin strangled with relief, his breath hitching with Sabina’s.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “God bless Yassen. We’re really going to do it, Al. We’re going to get out.” </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Alex poured half of his water into Sabina’s canteen. They drank. Alex noticed a new glee in Sab’s smile and Sab noticed that a long-gone glint of light had returned to Alex’s eyes.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They slid gently into the cavity Yassen had carved out with so much care and precision. It was deep, like he said, and spacious, as far as digouts go. And the wooden slats would be extraordinarily helpful if they wanted to leave.</p><p> </p><p>But they didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Alex and Sabina loaded their weapons, silencers and safety on. This had to happen correctly. Their guns could <em>not</em> be allowed to discharge early. They threw their bags far away from the entrance to the surface and crawled to the center. They lay down on their sides and faced each other.</p><p> </p><p>“Last chance,” Alex whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Sabina thought of backing out and repressed a shudder. Skin exposed and vulnerable, heavy breathing, sex and blood and booze staining the air– She couldn’t go back. Not to that. And she would never leave Alex to do this alone. Besides, she would never be able to leave that little hole without Alex by her side.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure. What about you? Last chance.” The barest hints of teasing colored her voice.</p><p> </p><p>Alex thought of his most recent missions. Men with melting flesh and hands where they shouldn’t be and children looking so confused as their bodies finally gave out– No. Never again. He would not live when those people had died. He couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure.”</p><p> </p><p>The arms buried in the dirt held pressed the glocks tenderly beneath their chins. They wrapped their other arms around each other as best as they could, desperate to feel that the other close. They pressed their foreheads together and shut their eyes. Relief washed over them. No one would ever find them. They could escape. <em> They could rest.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Alex Rider and Sabina Pleasure were at peace.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>The safety clicked off.</p><p> </p><p>And there their bodies rested.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Gregorovich. What the hell happened? Byrne is breathing down my neck for Agent Pleasure, and don't get me started on Blunt–"</p><p> </p><p>Yassen gave the bitch the most rueful smile. He still couldn't decide whether or not he had failed Hunter. Failed Alex. Failed Sabina. "You of all people should have known better than to play with their young souls. They weren't toys."</p><p> </p><p>"...Were?"</p><p> </p><p>"You pushed them too far." He paused and looked up at her, hatred blazing behind icy blue. "I won't be there to protect your operation if something like this happens again."</p><p> </p><p>"Yassen?" Her voice was almost small.</p><p> </p><p>"Retirement was never going to work out for me. It was only a matter of time." Yassen exhaled and allowed his shoulders to droop for the first time in over twenty years. He turned to leave, stepped halfway out the doorway, and stopped. Without bothering even turn his head, he spoke for the last time with his still, steady voice.</p><p> </p><p>"Tulip. Don't make this mistake again." And then he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'll see you soon, little Alex.</em>
</p>
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